so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
