If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
