giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
