I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
