She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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