I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
