there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
