I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
