Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
