I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
