I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
