She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
