its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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