Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
