that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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