just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
