Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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