If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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