Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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