I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
