I have demons in me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
They have beer where we have blood.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
