there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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