He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
