6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
