Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
