He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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