Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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