He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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