I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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