It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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