It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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