My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
