you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
