i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
