I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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