Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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