Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You are a genius and a whore.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
