Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
