Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
