9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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