We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
