the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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