I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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