no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
