Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude i'm inner monologue high
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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