Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
