Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
