He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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