I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
