i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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