I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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