i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
